Love and football… they can both be tricky games… but should we play games in relationships?
World cup ferocity is taking over, well, perhaps taking over is too strong a sentiment, we’re England after all, our expectations for a world cup win are (realistically) not sky high. But still, we apparently (I actually have no idea) have some good players, and are playing relatively well. Granted, we lost our first game, but our next comes tonight and we are feeling positive about a win. I heard, on the news that comes in between my groovy music station, that we played well in our game last week; set plays went well; the game plan was good; the twiddly passing plays worked when they needed.
So, what about game play in life? Some women spew over and over about the importance of games in relationships, and will often claim that when their plan isn’t going their way, that the man is playing games. Is it all about playing the game? Or should we play the good game?
There are some things that, particularly at the beginning of a relationship, can be important (or at least fun). For example… mystery. Keeping a little mystery is something that I believe is beneficial at the start, it creates intrigue and excitement, and those first few months should be all about intrigue and excitement! Then when the mysteries are uncovered, there is often a little sense of achievement, the thrill of discovering more wonderful things about a person that you already fancy the pants off.
So, mystery can be great, but games? I’m not so sure. Would it not make sense that any relationship that is built on the foundations of games will be weak?
Relationships often feel like a struggle for power and women can feel the need to play games (not call, play coy, feign disinterest) in order to gain power above a man. Let’s face it, men still have most of the power today, so if we can feel powerful in the love category, then we can feel a whole lot better about our situation. It can feel as though a woman has more to lose in relationships at the start, or rather can be more heart broken when it all goes wrong if she’s put all her cards on the table, so games can be a little protection device, a self preservation. (Of course this is not always the case, guys get hurt too, but I’m just judging from experience; the girls I know do get far more involved, the chase is a complex game in itself.)
Frailty thy name is woman. We are the weaker and more emotional sex. We get emotionally attached, we can’t help it. Oxytocin is a hormone that is present in both men and women. It is also known as the ‘trust’ hormone as it can increase the feeling of love and trust for that person after sex. This is often felt more acutely by women, hence why we can feel loving, clingy even, after sex… a hormone attaches us to our sexual partner, whether it is a fling or a long term relationship, we are attached. It is the same hormone that naturally bonds us to our baby after child birth. No wonder we feel vulnerable if we cannot help but feel love… so a bit of I’m-all-cool game play to make us regain power is understandable. Admittedly, not all women are weakened when it comes to love and sex, but I have to admit that it is a subject that hits pretty close to the heart, and sinks my gut, and sends butterflies to my stomach. We play games to keep a man interested, but equally, to keep them at bay… then if something goes awry at the start, we know we didn’t jump in with both feet.
What games do us ladies play? Well, there is texting, that’s a biggie, and a really tough area! How many x’s to put at the bottom of the text… not too many otherwise it’s too forward, not enough and it’s like your punishing them. Text back straight away, and you’re keen, leave it a while, you may hope to seem busy, important, casual, laid back, or you may come off as disinterested and hard work. And then there is the tone, it’s ever so hard to establish tone in texts, which is why I don’t like texting all that much… I’m far funnier in person (I wish), but through text, I’m probably just rather odd. We (women) are so often told that a guy would make the move if he’s interested, he’ll let you know if he wants to see you… but further than that, we are told that if they don’t make the move, and we do, well apparently it can have the opposite of the desired effect… it’s a turn-off. It’s a tricky world, the dating world. It’s no wonder we turn to games just to make us feel as though we have control over things. We hide how deeply we feel towards someone to both protect ourselves and to not scare them off. We may tailor our clothing towards them, their tastes. We may flirt with someone other than them, just to show we are desired by others, therefore hoping they desire us more. We may pretend to be busy, again, to appear important and desirable. We try to be cool, when really all we want is for them to hold our hand all evening.
There are so many different games to play. In football, it’s pretty simple, but in love, it’s damn tricky. But I do believe that games in love are, in the end, pointless. Mystery, yes, that’s fun. But games are different, and are untrue to who you are. If someone really likes you, there should be no need for games. Maybe, just maybe, if you feel the need to play games then the relationship may not be worth all that much anyway. I am guilty of self-preservation, of withholding myself, but honesty is surely always the best policy. Your time is precious, don’t play a game, live, and live good.